Entries by MonkMojo (53)
Tuesday
22Jul
Life Purpose Confirmation Letter
July 22
Dear Mr. MonkMojo,
Thank you for ordering your life’s purpose from the Happy Happy Purpose People. (stock symbol HHPP) We sincerely regret that it took 42 years for you to receive yours. In 1965 your mailman was hit by a car and your Life Purpose was lost in the evidence storage room at the police station. We know; bummer.
We have thought about you often over years, ya know, wondering how you were doing without a Life Purpose and all. It made for many great laughs in the employee break room. We’re sorry about Bob sending you all of those fake Life Purposes over the years. He’s really not a bad guy, he just takes his Life Purpose of being the company funny guy a little too far sometimes.
You have to admit that stretch of years when you thought you were supposed to be an entrepreneurial genius was freakin’ hilarious!!1! And who can forget the early days when you thought you could play football, LOL! Monk “Crazy Legs” Mojo, ROFL!
Please know that Bob is truly sorry about your brief stay in college. He had no idea you would have had such an adverse reaction to LSD. Frankly, we seriously didn’t believe you would fall for the idea that you were the reincarnation of Jimi Hendrix. Although, the way you could mouth the solo guitar parts of Purple Haze was impressive. BTW, your air guitar could still use a little work.
Admittedly, we over corrected when we led you into the Army for perhaps the longest four years of your already miserable life. But hey, you muddled through it like a champ! If you think about it, it made all the years since seem relatively ok, except for the nervous breakdown and subsequent few years of depression.
The good news Mr. MonkMojo is that you now have your real Life Purpose! Due to inflation over the last 42 years you now owe us $9,785.95. Since Bob goofed up most of your life we are going to waive the shipping and handling fees! We just know you are going to love it, as it has absolutely nothing to do with what you are doing now. You will be relieved to know (as we were) that blogging is discouraged. Your blog is cute and all, but seriously, a real life awaits you. Please pay in full within 30 days to receive your Life Purpose or we will be forced to turn you over to our legal department and collection agency.
Sincerely,
Happy Happy Purpose People Inc.
PS - Act now and receive the “Personal Development Bloggers Gone Wild” and “Life Hackers After Hours” videos for FREE.
Related Reading:
Vern Lovic - What Is the Point of Life?
Thank you for ordering your life’s purpose from the Happy Happy Purpose People. (stock symbol HHPP) We sincerely regret that it took 42 years for you to receive yours. In 1965 your mailman was hit by a car and your Life Purpose was lost in the evidence storage room at the police station. We know; bummer.
We have thought about you often over years, ya know, wondering how you were doing without a Life Purpose and all. It made for many great laughs in the employee break room. We’re sorry about Bob sending you all of those fake Life Purposes over the years. He’s really not a bad guy, he just takes his Life Purpose of being the company funny guy a little too far sometimes.
You have to admit that stretch of years when you thought you were supposed to be an entrepreneurial genius was freakin’ hilarious!!1! And who can forget the early days when you thought you could play football, LOL! Monk “Crazy Legs” Mojo, ROFL!
Please know that Bob is truly sorry about your brief stay in college. He had no idea you would have had such an adverse reaction to LSD. Frankly, we seriously didn’t believe you would fall for the idea that you were the reincarnation of Jimi Hendrix. Although, the way you could mouth the solo guitar parts of Purple Haze was impressive. BTW, your air guitar could still use a little work.
Admittedly, we over corrected when we led you into the Army for perhaps the longest four years of your already miserable life. But hey, you muddled through it like a champ! If you think about it, it made all the years since seem relatively ok, except for the nervous breakdown and subsequent few years of depression.
The good news Mr. MonkMojo is that you now have your real Life Purpose! Due to inflation over the last 42 years you now owe us $9,785.95. Since Bob goofed up most of your life we are going to waive the shipping and handling fees! We just know you are going to love it, as it has absolutely nothing to do with what you are doing now. You will be relieved to know (as we were) that blogging is discouraged. Your blog is cute and all, but seriously, a real life awaits you. Please pay in full within 30 days to receive your Life Purpose or we will be forced to turn you over to our legal department and collection agency.
Sincerely,
Happy Happy Purpose People Inc.
PS - Act now and receive the “Personal Development Bloggers Gone Wild” and “Life Hackers After Hours” videos for FREE.
Related Reading:
Vern Lovic - What Is the Point of Life?
Wednesday
16Jul
The Other Price of Gas
July 16 
Related Reading:
Marc and Angel Hack Life - 28 Unique Bits of Financial Brilliance & 101 Dirt Cheap Ways to Enjoy Yourself
Todd Goldfarb - Why Money Is Just Another Form Of Energy
Marc and Angel Hack Life - 28 Unique Bits of Financial Brilliance & 101 Dirt Cheap Ways to Enjoy Yourself
Todd Goldfarb - Why Money Is Just Another Form Of Energy
Thursday
10Jul
Expectations: The Dark Side of Positive Thinking
July 10 
Related reading:
Slade Roberson - What’s Wrong with What You Want?
David B. Bohl - Does Guilt Have a Message for You?
Some quotes for the road:
"Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation." ~ Charlotte Bronte
“Happiness equals reality minus expectations” ~ Tom Magliozzi
“There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started out with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet which fails so regularly, as love.” ~ Erich Fromm
“I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.” ~ Dalai Lama
Slade Roberson - What’s Wrong with What You Want?
David B. Bohl - Does Guilt Have a Message for You?
Some quotes for the road:
"Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation." ~ Charlotte Bronte
“Happiness equals reality minus expectations” ~ Tom Magliozzi
“There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started out with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet which fails so regularly, as love.” ~ Erich Fromm
“I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.” ~ Dalai Lama
Thursday
26Jun
Deep Meditation Happens
June 26 I
have made an exciting new “Thought to Text™” technological breakthrough
that has enabled me to record my actual thoughts and non-thoughts.
Today I unveil to the world for the first time a transcript of one of
my deep meditation sessions.
[CAUTION: This Thought to Text™ transcript is uncensored. If you are squeamish about the human condition, please click away now.]
START : Thought to Text™ TRANSMISSION:
OK, here I am meditating. I’m so pumped up for this session!!!1! I just know I’m gonna break on through to the other side this time. I got a feeling enlightenment is going to be cool, enlightened dudes get all the hot babes. I know somehow, someway this meditation is going to lead to more money for me. Everybody in abundance-land doesn’t care about money because I know they have a hidden stash somewhere. There is probably a secret enlightened ATM cash machine with lots of clouds around it and a rainbow over the top of it. I can’t wait until a wise old voice sends me my PIN number in the mail.
<space between thoughts>
Oh shit, I better focus on my breath. Hmm, perhaps too many onions in that tuna fish and baloney sandwich. My stomach seems to have an issue with it as well. I need to become one with the acid reflux. Ahhh, the warm breeze of a giant burp gently caressing my nostrils. From the bottom of my heart I’m glad that was not a fart. LOL, I should use that in a blog post someday.
<awkward space between thoughts>
My butt is starting to go numb; this meditation is obviously starting to kick in. I’m letting go of my attachment to my ass. I can’t wait to tell those jerks at work how enlightened I am. Who the hell are they to tell me I need to increase my meds?! And if it wasn’t for my shitty childhood, I wouldn’t need the medications in the first place!
OK, back to the present-FREAKIN’-moment. Whoa, my feet are turning purple now. I’m cultivating awareness, and different colors! I wonder if this is the part where I should try to block out my constant thoughts of worry, fear, disappointment and anxiety. I feel a panic attack coming on at the very thought of letting that much go all at once. Now that last thought I just thought is making me feel guilty and ashamed. This meditation is turning into a mental mindscrew.
Get a grip, man. You are too far into this to back out now. Make friends with your panic attack; maybe give it a name like, Fred. OK. Hi Fred, my mom said I can’t come out to play right now. When I get done meditating we can go throw rocks at cars or whatever, call me.
< inner healing process between thoughts>
Oh dear, I think I feel like fondling myself. This is not the right time to show loving kindness and compassion to myself. I must fight the urge! I need to just think about Oprah over and over for a few minutes; bikini Oprah, naked Oprah, Oprah on top…
<terrifying space between thoughts>
…whew, close call. This spiritual work isn’t easy, and quite frankly it is getting a little tiresome. This is so going to become a nap when this meditation session is finally over.
<empty space between thoughts>
Holy crap! I think I’m not thinking. I wonder if thinking that counts as a thought? Ah hell, I probably just lost 50 karma points for thinking that. I’m gonna have to do the dishes tonight to cover for that.
<now transcending the concept of clarity itself, the Gap!>
What in the HELL is that loud banging noise!?1
END : Thought to Text™ TRANSMISSION:
...
[CAUTION: This Thought to Text™ transcript is uncensored. If you are squeamish about the human condition, please click away now.]
START : Thought to Text™ TRANSMISSION:
OK, here I am meditating. I’m so pumped up for this session!!!1! I just know I’m gonna break on through to the other side this time. I got a feeling enlightenment is going to be cool, enlightened dudes get all the hot babes. I know somehow, someway this meditation is going to lead to more money for me. Everybody in abundance-land doesn’t care about money because I know they have a hidden stash somewhere. There is probably a secret enlightened ATM cash machine with lots of clouds around it and a rainbow over the top of it. I can’t wait until a wise old voice sends me my PIN number in the mail.
<space between thoughts>
Oh shit, I better focus on my breath. Hmm, perhaps too many onions in that tuna fish and baloney sandwich. My stomach seems to have an issue with it as well. I need to become one with the acid reflux. Ahhh, the warm breeze of a giant burp gently caressing my nostrils. From the bottom of my heart I’m glad that was not a fart. LOL, I should use that in a blog post someday.
<awkward space between thoughts>
My butt is starting to go numb; this meditation is obviously starting to kick in. I’m letting go of my attachment to my ass. I can’t wait to tell those jerks at work how enlightened I am. Who the hell are they to tell me I need to increase my meds?! And if it wasn’t for my shitty childhood, I wouldn’t need the medications in the first place!
OK, back to the present-FREAKIN’-moment. Whoa, my feet are turning purple now. I’m cultivating awareness, and different colors! I wonder if this is the part where I should try to block out my constant thoughts of worry, fear, disappointment and anxiety. I feel a panic attack coming on at the very thought of letting that much go all at once. Now that last thought I just thought is making me feel guilty and ashamed. This meditation is turning into a mental mindscrew.
Get a grip, man. You are too far into this to back out now. Make friends with your panic attack; maybe give it a name like, Fred. OK. Hi Fred, my mom said I can’t come out to play right now. When I get done meditating we can go throw rocks at cars or whatever, call me.
< inner healing process between thoughts>
Oh dear, I think I feel like fondling myself. This is not the right time to show loving kindness and compassion to myself. I must fight the urge! I need to just think about Oprah over and over for a few minutes; bikini Oprah, naked Oprah, Oprah on top…
<terrifying space between thoughts>
…whew, close call. This spiritual work isn’t easy, and quite frankly it is getting a little tiresome. This is so going to become a nap when this meditation session is finally over.
<empty space between thoughts>
Holy crap! I think I’m not thinking. I wonder if thinking that counts as a thought? Ah hell, I probably just lost 50 karma points for thinking that. I’m gonna have to do the dishes tonight to cover for that.
<now transcending the concept of clarity itself, the Gap!>
What in the HELL is that loud banging noise!?1
END : Thought to Text™ TRANSMISSION:
...
Learn more about
meditation:
Evelyn Lim - Five Hindrances to a Successful Meditation
(hint: MoMo went 5 for 5)
Also see - Experiencing the Gap: The Space Between Thoughts
John Rocheleau - Little Buddha Walking
Also See: Mary Jaksch's - How to Start Meditating: 10 Important Tips
Now a special message from Oprah:
“Hi everybody! I finally talked MonkMojo into appearing on my show! (On the condition that I don’t sit too close to him.) Mark August 17th on your calendar, check local listings for times. Everyone in the studio audience will receive a MonkMojo Tshirt @ 10% off!”
Evelyn Lim - Five Hindrances to a Successful Meditation
(hint: MoMo went 5 for 5)
Also see - Experiencing the Gap: The Space Between Thoughts
John Rocheleau - Little Buddha Walking
Also See: Mary Jaksch's - How to Start Meditating: 10 Important Tips
Now a special message from Oprah:
“Hi everybody! I finally talked MonkMojo into appearing on my show! (On the condition that I don’t sit too close to him.) Mark August 17th on your calendar, check local listings for times. Everyone in the studio audience will receive a MonkMojo Tshirt @ 10% off!”